Maybe because I do this parenting thing all day, every day, alone with the kiddos, or maybe because I've had a tiny person in the house who has been capable of speaking in whole sentences for about three years, but I do not notice what comes out of my mouth anymore. What I mean is that the most bizarre things can be uttered, and they just seem commonplace to me at this point in my life. If I had heard someone say "PUT THAT FORK DOWN AND GET AWAY FROM THE TOILET!" four years ago, I would have sloooowly backed away from that person while dialing the nearest mental health facility. But because the things that come out of a four year old's mouth and the things that a toddler chooses to do are so very odd sometimes, so are the words that come flying out of my mouth a hundred times a day. I don't even notice anymore, really, how odd it all sounds, so I made an effort to pay attention over the last few days and tried to remember a few of them.
"It's okay if Stu is peeing on the Christmas tree. No, because the lights are not plugged in anymore." *
"Let's not sing songs about poop, 'kay?"
"Actually Stu CANNOT do ballet, and you are going to possibly break his leg."
"Princesses do not hit their baby brothers with sticks."
"People are still allergic to cats, even if they're the size of mice."
"Dogs don't like lipstick, leave him alone."
"We do not put carrots there."
"I'm sorry if your eyes are scared of going to sleep. It is still bedtime."
"If Charlie's 'wiener' is 'freaking you out', then get out of the bathroom."
*I have to make a note that the Christmas tree is not, in fact, inside the house. It is on our deck. In March. Still.