Friday, April 10, 2009

Mind Over Matter.

I WILL make today a good day. I don't know how many mornings I have started off saying that, sitting at my kitchen table with a very large cup of coffee, staring out the window at the whole day laying in front of me. One big question mark. I hate days like that. Someone around here, um, kinda likes to have a plan and be organized and lists, lots of lists. So when I find myself with a good 14 hours before bedtime comes around, and there is nothing planned to make that magic hour of 7:00 roll around faster, I feel like letting out a big sigh and going back to bed. But alas, there are two small kiddies in my house, so going back to bed at all, ever, is laughable. Instead I am Mom, Maker Of Fun And Ringleader Of All Activities. This is a lot to live up to on some days. On some days, I feel like saying to Ella, "Why don't YOU come up with something better to do, smartypants, if you are so hellbent against going to the park/coloring/playing barbies/staring at the wall again?!!?". But I don't say this, of course. I just let out a big sigh, throw the kids in the car, and drive to the park...again. For the fortieth time in about ten days. I am realizing that starting off each day this way is not a good habit to fall into. How negative and pessimistic of me! So I have set a goal for myself for the next few weeks, just to see how it all works out: Greet each day as a fresh start and stop letting my circumstances dictate how I feel for the remaining 15 hours of daylight. It is all too easy to fall into a funk for a whole day because the baby woke up early or it's raining outside or my day started at an unholy hour that I can't even speak out loud but it starts with a 4 or there's nothing to do waaahhhhh. Why is it that I always seem to let a bad morning ruin the WHOLE day for me? Why is going to bed at night a reset button for a bad day? More importantly, where is this reset button and why can't I seem to push it for myself at, say, 8am instead of 11pm? Well, my goal for today is to be more like Ella, and let go. Instead of focusing on not having any plans or being stuck inside because of the storms or getting dinner in the oven right at 5:00, I will take today as it comes, flaws and all. Instead of a day sprawling out in front of me with no end in sight, I will see it as a day full of opportunity to just be. Be with my kids, play on the floor with them, and even maybe have fun. And laundry. Lots of laundry. Because THAT doesn't take a break just so I can sit around and seize the day.

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