Some snippets of random conversations in my house. I have a feeling if my house were bugged, and some van was outside with guys listening to our family interact, they would eventually throw their headphone-listening-device thingies down on the floor, speed away from our home as quickly as possible, muttering something about morons and unfit parents.
Me: "Do you still love me, hon?"
Hubs: "Of course, why do you ask?"
Me: "Oh, I just feel like all I do is nag you lately."
Hubs: "But you've always been a nag, why are you asking that now?"
Ella: "Mommy, I feel a little sick today. My toes feel sick."
Me: "Well, then, we had better get you back into the bed for some more rest, huh? (wink wink)"
Ella: "No, actually I think that the best thing for sick toes, Mommy, is to rest in your bed while I watch Cinderella and have a big bowl of ice cream and a Diet Coke."
***Lest you think I feed my child sugar and soda for breakfast, we do not keep ice cream in this house and the child drinks about as much Diet Coke as I do coffee okay bad example you get the point on to the next snippet.
Ella: "Mommy, why are Cinderella's sisters so mean to her?"
Me: "Because they don't like her."
Me: "Because they're mean girls."
Me: "Because they're apparently jealous of her and feel threatened by Cinderella's beauty and grace, weren't you listening to the narrator?"
Me: "Because I said so."
Ella: "Mommy? That is not a good answer. You need to work on that."
Me: "Yes, Ella?" (As I play with Charlie in a silly voice, making ridiculous noises and faces to make him laugh.)
Ella: "You are embarrassing."
Hubs, reading to Ella: "...and all the little girls put on their...tuh tuhs? TUH tuhhhs? What the hell is a tuh tuh, hon?
Me, laughing hysterically: "Do you mean TUTUS??? God help us all, did you actually finish the second grade where they were supposed to teach you to read?"
*This actually happened a while ago, but I thought it was too good not to share. And should you think that I am out to embarrass only the husband I'll leave you with this gem: Me, reading an article about dogs: "It says here that dash-unds are good pets around kids." Yes, I realize that it's actually pronounced DOX-un. I'm still hearing about it from him. As in, "Hey, look at that cute little dash-und over there! What a sweet little DASH-und. Dash-und!!!"
Ella, trying to understand how tadpoles turn into frogs: "So, let me get this right. God reaches into His purse, pulls it out, and throws the magic sparkles on the tadpoles, and they turn into big frogs?"
Me: "Yep. That's right." Please, God, let this be the end of the conversation as I do not happen to have four hours to spare to explain biology to my three year old.