Thursday, January 15, 2009

Self Discovery Of Sorts.

I am FAR from perfect. Far far far from it. But there are certain things that I am good at. I am good at organizing things and keeping a really clean house (when time permits). I am reasonably good at cooking. I am good at this whole stay-at-home-mom thing (at least I think I am) and keeping my 3 year old entertained and stimulated and teaching her things and making sure she eats a balanced meal most of the time. I like to think that I am good at being a friend to those who count me as a friend. But I have recently come to the conclusion that I, maker of three course meals and organizer of playdates, am just NOT A NEWBORN PERSON. I do not enjoy the first couple of months of my children's lives, really at all I think. Oh sure, I enjoy the first smiles and the first coos and obviously the first time they choose to sleep through the night. But I am just not one of those people who really loves nothing more than to sit around admiring their baby's every move or sound, especially when Baby chooses to MAKE me be awake at 12am, 3 am, and up for the day at 6am. I would find it much easier to sit around and do nothing but look at my children's toes if I, well, had NOTHING TO DO BUT SIT AROUND AND LOOK AT THEIR TOES. I can without a doubt say that I am not a newborn fan because I have had close encounters with a few people who are definitely newborn people. My mom loves nothing more than to sit and hold a sleeping newborn for hours on end and just stare at their ears and hair and cheeks. And while I enjoy this for about 15 minutes, I start to think of everything else that needs to be done and my arm is falling asleep and seriously, Baby, I only moved my leg a half inch to the right, that is no reason to wake up and start screaming. I much much much prefer babies when they get to be about 6 months old and are a bit more predictable and can sleep without me holding them with both arms while walking around the house at the exact same pace for an hour and breathing directly into their noses so they can smell me and make sure I am still in fact holding them. I find no shame in admitting me it is no different than someone saying, "Eh, I tried the whole 'yoga/meditation' thing, and it's just SO not for me." I kind of have the whole "means to an end" thinking about newborn put in the work NOW, and they turn into fun little people that you can really enjoy a little further down the road. I don't know why I felt the need to devote an entire blog entry to this subject, except for that it dawned on me this morning when I was trying unsuccessfully to get Charlie to take a nap and I was bouncing on the edge of my bed an my leg was cramping up but Oh God I can't stop bouncing or move a different direction because that would upset The Baby, that hey, I DON'T ENJOY THIS VERY MUCH. So...My name is Abby, and I am not a baby person.

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